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Malavika
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| | Friday, September 29, 2006 - 5:33 pm: | 
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is this the same person who was upset that you did not tell him about this situation upfront? Now he is doing the same to his parents. His parents will know about it sooner or later.
Most important thing is your gut feeling about this person. Take a deep breath and think about it peacefully. you will get answers to your questions.
Rohini, somewhere you have mentioned about your age factor(if i remember correctly). Is that the reason you want to consider this guy after all this?
Wish you the best.
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Rohinip
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| | Saturday, September 30, 2006 - 6:37 pm: |
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yes, malavika he is the same guy. yes, my age is also a fear for me. but I am not marrying because of my age to this guy. I liked this guy.
he is stubborn that my parents speak to his parents about my sisters divorce and then only he can marry me.
I explained him many times that why dont he first convey his parents and find out their view on it?
if his father view is very rigid or he reacts strongly saying this was not told before ,it means my family is bad or there was something fishy then what is the point my parents talking ? and going through this painful confrontation of why was hidden first and not told?
if his father can not understand the sensitivity and if he ask such questions then how his father will get convinced just because my parents spoke to him?
I told him, he can first talk with his father and find out what his overall attitude and approach , if he is too negative then we wont go ahead and avoid our parents confrontation for no reason but would be more painful to my parents .
he says if he talks with his parents, things will go wrong and everything will get spoiled.
when I asked ,why does he think so? he says because he will questions, why was it hidden by them first? there must be something suspicious etc.
I told him many times , please atleast pass on this info and see his reaction. but he is NOT ready for it.
All I want that he first talk with his father and finds out how strongly he reacts. if his fathers reaction is strong or his viewpoint is so rigid then it wont make sense that we go agaisnt his father wish.
I told him, if his father believs in caste and was so uncomfortable with my caste then do you think 'divorce will taken as an accident or would be accepted if it is in my family?
will he accept a girl from divorcee family??
please ,can somebody tell me .
what step I should really take??
I am tired.
he still keeps calling and fighting over it.
Its so difficult to say NO , because I fear that hope it is not my mistake of lossing a proposal for this reason.
but I also feel painful to convey my parents that speak to boys parents about my sisters divorce as it is very painful process.
my parents have gone through hell lot of nasty questions when they were upfront and it did not help at all. because whatever be the case, whoever familys came ,they still thought that 'divorce in this family means whole family is bad' or were uncomfortable.
I am so depressed and feel so sad that is my sister being divorced is so bad?
why people around here still think that divorce means whole family is bad?
or girl from that family wont be good?
We did everything, told upfront, answered nonsense questions but everybody had this feeling that its better to avoid such family.
I swear on saibaba that my family is not bad but it is so sad to see that whole society still looks at it this way.
and make it painful for the whole where divorce has been taken place.
my sister was really humilated badly. in spite of knwoing she is divorcee, people would ask, oh your husabdn is not seen with you?
where does he live?
in marriages and all she was looked as 'curious object' by the same so called educated and social people.
she was topic of gossiping.
I know for sure people out here also must have some curiosity when they learn that someone is divorcee.
I am in pain ,please can soembody guide me, what should I do next??
I am having sleepless nights.
Thanks Rohini
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Mrinmayee
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| | Saturday, September 30, 2006 - 7:08 pm: |
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रोहिणी, लिहिणार नव्हते पण अगदी राहवलं नाही! तुझ्या एका प्रश्णावर इथे (तुझी ४-५ पोस्ट वगळून) इतरांनी कमितकमी ५० पोस्टस टाकली आहेत. कळकळीचे सल्ले दिले आहेत. तु ते वाचलेही आहेत. तुला यातून काहीच बोध नाही का घेता आला? शेवटी एक प्रांजळपणे सांगावसं वाटतं, लोक अगदी आपलं प्रेमाचं माणूस देखील खूप सांगून पाहिल्यावरही 'आपल्या दु:खाचं तुणतुणं वाजवत राहीलं' तर अखेरी समजावणं बंद करतात. तेव्हा तुला परत परत कोण काय सल्ले देणार?
प्रत्येक व्यक्तीचा एकाच अडचणीवर मात करण्याचा मार्ग वेगवेगळा असतो. पण मी जर तुझ्या जागी असते तर माझ्या आई-वडलांना अपमानित व्हायला लागु नये म्हणून स्वत्:च कन्फ़्रंट केलं असतं मुलाच्या आई-वडिलांना!! शेवटी निव्वळ चर्चांना काय अर्थ आहे?
ह्या माझ्या पोस्टमधे तुला दुखवायचा अजीबात हेतु नाही. आणि तसं तु दुखवल्या गेलीस तर मी मनापासून माफी मागते. पण किती दिवस असं आपलं दु:ख गोंजारणार तु काहीही ठोस स्टेप्स न घेता?
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Rohinip
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| | Saturday, September 30, 2006 - 7:16 pm: |
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mrinmayee,
please dont be so harsh. I know I am doing wrong. I am not talkign about my pain again and again for fun or get sympathy.
I am jsut stuck here.
My thoughts are still and it does not give me any direction.
please tell me .. what you coudl have really done when you say you yourself would have confrontated with boys parents??
how? and why would you do it? do you think it will help?
wont it be painful to your parents if they know that?
Please I am trying to genuinly.
Please dont think I am fond of talking my pain and getting sympathy.
this boy is calling me up everyday and I get lost and loose my sense.
I really dont know what strong steps to take.
Please help me. and tell me what you could have done?
or what are approaite steps for me.?
what should I talk with his parents?
will that be right?
I am plain confused?Now I am not sure also if I really want to go ahead or not? but this boy is confusing me by calling everyday.
Rohini
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Mrinmayee
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| | Saturday, September 30, 2006 - 9:03 pm: |
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रोहिणी, तुला मेल पाठवलीय. परत एकदा, तुला दुखवावं असं अजीबात नाही.
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Malavika
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| | Sunday, October 01, 2006 - 12:13 am: |
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there are all kinds of people in the world. it is upto you whether to associate with them or not.
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Priyab
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| | Sunday, October 01, 2006 - 3:53 pm: |
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Rohini
give u'r self some time....give some time to think about all the things clearly..what you want?Do you just want to get married because of the age? or do you want to get u'r parents as well as u' sister get hurt by all this whole drama...where there's no one's at mistake..
think clearly what do you want and how do you want it? I think you are smart enough to do all this..
unless you evaluate u'r wants or may be say priority you will always be confused
and inorder to do do this self evaluation you need your time alone..no interference..so may be just don't attend any calls until you know what you want..
..you can write all the things on a piece of paper ..that will help you a lot
I think that's what I will do...
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Mumbhai
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| | Monday, October 02, 2006 - 2:20 pm: |
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hyaa bb che nav 'Shoudl I tell or not' ase ahe.
'Shoudl' mhaNaje?
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Prajaktad
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| | Monday, October 02, 2006 - 7:13 pm: |
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रोहिणी! तु म्हणतेस तो मुलगा तुला रोज फोन करतो.याचा अर्थ स्पश्ट आहे त्याला तुझ्यात आणी या नात्यात interest आहे पण,सत्य स्विकारायची तुझ्या बाजुने उभ राहायची ताकद नाही. बहिणीच्या सल्ल्याने जायला तो काय कुक्कुल बाळ आहे का?स्वताची विचार क्षमता नाही आहे त्या मुलामधे.त्याला हे लग्न हव हि असेल पण त्याच्या घरच्यांना खुश ठेवुन!त्यांना न दुखावता आणी स्वताही त्याला मधे पडायच नाही. म्हणजे " चितभी मेरी पटभि मेरी " .
रोहिणी उभ आयुष्य ज्याच्याबरोबर घालावयाच त्याच्यात तुला साथ देण्याची धमक आहे का?याच उत्तर तुच शोध!
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Manuswini
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| | Monday, October 02, 2006 - 11:29 pm: |
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प्राजक्ता
ह्याच्याम्ध्ये त्याच्या घरच्यांचा दुखण्याचा काय प्रश्ण येतो ग जर तो मुलगा मुलिच्या वतीने आधी वडिलांशी बोलेल तर??
रोहिणी म्हणते त्या मुलाला तिने आधी सागितल्यावर त्याने बर्‍याच दिवसाने शेवटी बहिणीला विचारले मग ठरवले की तिनेच सांगावे. मग जर त्याने सांगितले तर त्याचे आई वडील का दुखावले असते?
मला नाही समजले?
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Shonoo
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| | Tuesday, October 03, 2006 - 1:56 am: |
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रोहिणी
इथे अमेरिकेत what part of "No" don't you understand असा एक वाक्प्रचार आहे. त्याच धर्तीवर मला म्हणावसं वाटतंय what part of 'Dump him" don't you understand?
आइ वडिलांना तुझ्या बहिणीच्या घटस्फोटाच्या वेळी काय कमी मनस्ताप झाला असेल? आता जुनाट, "आम्ही मुलाकडचे म्हणून तुम्ही आमच्याशी बोलणी करायला या" असल्या विचारांच्या लोकंकडे त्यांना जायला लावतेस. तुला जर तो मुलगा इतका आवडत असेल आणि त्याला तू तर तुम्हि दोघे मिळून त्याच्या आईवडिलांना सांगा नं!
Eleanor Roosevelt ने म्हटलं होतं nobody can make yu feel inferioir without your permission ( किंवा याच अर्थाचे वेगळे शब्द असतील) . ते लक्षात ठेव नेहमी.
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Rohinip
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| | Tuesday, October 03, 2006 - 4:08 am: |
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shoonoo, manuswini,prajkataa
the boy said to me that if he tells his father then he might feel bad that why their son is fighting so much for this girl?
why is he taking her side so much in spite of they hiding the things in the beginning and in way cheating?
he feels he has done enough when I couldnt make my trip to Mumbai and his parents got hurt.
where in reality in my previous posts, his family raised ego issues while deciding marirage hall, or caste and creed stuff so communication between parents got halted.
later he used to fight why didnt I come to mumbai, many times I explained it but no avail , then I told him my sisters problem . he took a month andn half because he was afraid to discuss with his father and later his sister told him that let her only take responsibility and handle it. why should you?
and 'boy' also feels that if he tells then his father would be terrficaly hurt. and there will be more misunderstanding about my family in his fathers viewpoint.
i dont know what to do?
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Bee
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| | Tuesday, October 03, 2006 - 4:14 am: |
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Rohini, after marriage u r not going to stay with his family or ur family. So if u think, u can get along well with this boy and can compromise with him then u can go ahead. I think, all these petty issues of caste, creed, sibling's career - will be wiped out from their mind ones the final decision is taken.
somebody has advised me during our life's imp decision we should handle it as much silently as we can w/o knowing others what we are doing. Once we finish it, let them talk as much as they want. It is just matter of few days.
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Prajaktad
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| | Tuesday, October 03, 2006 - 12:13 pm: |
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ह्याच्याम्ध्ये त्याच्या घरच्यांचा दुखण्याचा काय प्रश्ण येतो ग जर तो मुलगा मुलिच्या वतीने आधी वडिलांशी बोलेल तर??>>>
मने! मला तेच म्हणायचे आहे कि त्याला स्वताला कोणताच stand घ्यायचा नाहिये.खरतर रोहिणीपेक्शा तोच त्याच्या आइवडिलांना का नाही सांगत तोच situation जास्त चांगल्या प्रकारे सांभाळु शकतो...
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Maitreyee
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| | Tuesday, October 03, 2006 - 1:24 pm: |
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रोहिणी, तो मुलगा तुला आवडलाय हे लक्षात घेऊनही मला तुझा हा approach समजत नाहिये!
तू उतारावर गाडी चालवतियेस, इथे इतके लोक सांगत आहेत ब्रेक मार! पण तू जाणून बुजून accelerator press करत आहेस आणि परत लोकांना विचारतेयस की गाडी थांबत नाहीये तर काय करू! काय होणार अशाने! 
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Jai_jui
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| | Tuesday, October 03, 2006 - 4:56 pm: |
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सही मैत्रेयी, मला पण असेच म्हणायचे होते.
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| मायबोली |
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| चोखंदळ ग्राहक |
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| महाराष्ट्र धर्म वाढवावा |
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| व्यक्तिपासून वल्लीपर्यंत |
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| पांढर्‍यावरचे काळे |
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| गावातल्या गावात |
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| तंत्रलेल्या मंत्रबनात |
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| आरोह अवरोह |
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| शुभंकरोती कल्याणम् |
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| विखुरलेले मोती |
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